Debbie Kniffin | Iowa State middle blocker 2008-11
Coaching is a multi-faceted job. A coach coordinates logistics, trains behaviors, teaches skills, enforces rules and best practices, determines competitive objectives, implements tactics and coordinates with other support staff.
Sounds a lot like parenting.
My husband is a full-time coach and dad, and I am a full-time mom. We’ve realized that these jobs are synergistic. And we aren’t the only ones. Coaches across the country have made the parenting connection and found it to be valuable.
Connecting with people in related-but-different fields and comparing practices and processes promotes individual growth. Perspective makes us better because it gets us out of the self-affirming loop that stunts development in our field.
To tap into this value, I decided to chat with two coach-parents and hear about the perspective moments and ah-ha connections that helped them grow in their professional careers.
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DAWN SULLIVAN | head women’s volleyball coach at UNLV
What parallels do you observe between coaching and parenting?
Coaching is about developing relationships. It is about showing compassion and passion about someone through your expectations and discipline as well as your actions and words. This is essentially the down and dirty aspect of parenting with which most people struggle.
Describe a memorable parenting moment that impacted how you interact with players.
I don’t know if I can think of just one parenting moment that has impacted my interaction with players. I think life is always throwing us moments that we learn from, adapt, and grow.
What’s a parenting tactic that you use in the gym?
Deep breaths. Taking a hard line. Trying to teach self-reliance.
In your dual role as parent and coach, what perspective have you gained that would benefit any coach?
You can’t get completely consumed by the job. You have to save time and energy for yourself, your family, your sanity. You can’t expect your players to be well-rounded, multi-faceted individuals if you aren’t leaving time for it yourself. Leading by example is a forgotten art.
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BILL FERGUSON | head women’s volleyball coach at Wake Forest University
What parallels do you observe between coaching and parenting?
You are preparing your kid and your player for success in life beyond the impacted time you are together. It’s a constant state of giving them tools to navigate and succeed. That impacted time as a parent is likely the time that my kid lives under my roof. As a coach, it is the time my player is in college and on the team.
Describe a memorable parenting moment that impacted how you interact with players.
At one of our team banquets several years ago, a mother of one of my players said to me, “Thank you. You ‘get’ my kid.” While I wasn’t a parent at the time, it was a huge reminder to continually try to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of each individual we mentor.
What’s a parenting tactic that you use in the gym?
I try to communicate as best I can for whatever the situation calls for.
In your dual role as parent and coach, what perspective have you gained that would benefit any coach?
Knowing all that I know and knowing all who I know: “Who would I let my kid play for?” If I could land on that list, I think I’d be doing OK. Brenn (his wife) and I discussed that one evening, and it has become an ongoing discussion and the barometer by which I measure myself as a coach. To me, the highest compliment I could ever pay a colleague would be, “I would send my kid to play for him/her.”
Debbie Kniffin, a former program director for the Badger Region Volleyball Association, was a middle blocker at Iowa State from 2008-11.